Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

5 Amazing Vegan Breakfasts That Aren't A Total Snooze.

The worst part about being vegan is breakfast. Sorry for being a Negative Nancy this early on in the post, but it's true (or maybe I'm just hangry). It's totally and utterly depressing.

I used to look forward to my giant cup of black coffee with a side of breakfast. Deliciously poached eggs, savory cheese danishes, fresh lox, buttered Belgian waffles, and God forbid a melt in your mouth hollandaise sauce if I'm really trying to contribute to dying a slow death first thing in the morning.

Now it's all about meals when tempeh and tahini are involved. Definitely after 12 pm. Gag.

For breakfast on the daily I like to bore myself with raw vegan superfood smoothie concoctions, maybe a not-so-great big bowl of goldilocks oats (steel cut and gluten free, please), or if I'm feeling really wild, a piece of sprouted toast with smashed avocado and an assorted mix of herbs and spices to egg on a wee bit of satisfaction. Pun intended.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the variety of raw chia seed puddings and vegan granola bowls, bars, and balls shoved down a vegan's throat day in and day out.

Case and point being, if you're vegan, your typical breakfast is a basic betch.

"What about incorporating fake sausage and scrambling up some soy eggs?"

Great question, but I'd rather choke.

Substituting nasty fake things for whole, plant-based foods totally defies the health benefits of being vegan. You might as well eat a McMuffin at McDonald's and call it a McMorning.

Anyway, I had one of those "aha moments" over the weekend as I poked at my oats. I scavenged around my Pinterest feed, and gathered up five amazing vegan breakfast ideas that aren't a total snooze and don't use any fake Birkin-scaled impersonators in the ingredients.

Check it out...

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

No One Liked Your Boyfriend Anyway; A Boyfriend Jean Break Up.

Boyfriend jeans. An utter disgrace to a hardworking woman's thigh gap.

I'm not ignorant, I totally get that you like to get down (to earth) with the "effortless" look, but please be honest with yourself for 2.5 seconds...

How effortless is scrounging around in your closet for an appropriately fitted top to balance out your baggy distressed denim mess and then to only have to throw on a pair of uncomfortable, strappy heels to make your legs lean out and look longer after the brutal amputation your poor stems just underwent from the unfinished cuffed hem you practically hand grenaded to your ankle?

Not that I'm a pessimistic betch or anything, but that sounds like a downright depressing ordeal to have to go through to pull off a pair of pants that belong on your boyfriend...or better yet...on your floor.

As much as the competitive woman in me appreciates the fact that your boyfriend jeans give you a saggy looking crotch, I'm going to be the bigger and better person here, a true friend in fact, and tell you to dump your boyfriend's jeans once and for all.

Let me offer you some moral support and guidance...

1. I would like to first remind you who nationally promoted the launch of the boyfriend jean - introducing Melissa Joan Hart (Exhibit A, below) everybody! Oh, and where she is now (Exhibit B, below). How odd, I don't see anyone jumping offline quick to get knocked up and book it to TJ Maxx for super-sized horizontal stripes, a patent leather baby bump belt, stretchy capri leggings, and rubber flippy flops. Just food for thought. Literally.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

2. Revisit your designer jeans. Super talked about on the rap scene, as I'm sure you've heard. It's a little bit of a hypocritical situation though because I don't remember the last time Kanye wore a pair that he rapped about since he's always galavanting around in a skirt à la mode de Marc Jacobs in a dress he wouldn't take off phase, but nonetheless, it's time for you to get back to the denim basics. J Brand, BLK DNM, 3x1, MiH, Current/Elliot, etc. Bring them into the circle of friends again.

3. Oh, I get it now. You're worried about a thing called comfort. So over juicing so you can squeeze into your designer jeans? I don't blame you. Well guess what, that is why designers are now getting all hot and bothered over their overpriced leggings creations. Couture spandex? Sign me up. I live in my leather Versace leggings in winter and my Vince two-toned britches in summer.

Tom Ford

Saint Laurent

Rick Owens

4. Afraid of looking high maintenance? Betch, please. It's all about your mentality. The only thing those boyfriend jeans did to bring you down to earth was to bring your vag down to the earth, and pathetically dragging nonetheless. Sorry I'm not sorry for that vulgarly painted picture. Cara made me do it.

5. Now comes the time to purge. Gather up the boyfriends and burn them up like the baggage they are. Don't you dare even think of trying them on again post-break up, we all know anything post-break up is just plain messy. No one liked your boyfriend anyway, chin up and grab yourself some champagne. You've already moved on.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Boyfriend's Choice; Dessert at George's.

Generally speaking, I'm only interested in dessert if there's chocolate, frosting, or on special occasions, sprinkles involved. Yes, I realize that at times I have the dessert palette of a five year old...and I'm totally ok with that.

There will come a time however, where you go to George's for dinner and Bee Stings (Ketel One Vodka, kumquats, ginger, honey, lemongrass) and just because it's Monday, you decide to let your inhibitions go and agree to your boyfriend's choice of dessert to share. Just because it's Monday.

Now, at California Modern, you can't go wrong with a single thing on the menu. Everything is prepared to seasonal perfection and so aesthetically pleasing to the eye that you end up eating your entire plate with one look before a bite even hits your taste buds.

Pure poetry, I know, but back to my story set up...

We've sunken into the incredibly luscious purple couch that we were seated at, sipping on our drinks and looking over the dessert menu.

Sidenote: The purple couch though. I seriously wanted to bring a U-Haul to Prospect so I could take it to go because it's so comfortable and modernly chic, that I would be totally happy sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life. Plus, we all know how difficult it is to find a beautifully tasteful purple accent piece these days now that Versace isn't making furniture like he used to.

Everything on the dessert menu looks delectably delicious, and calls for quite a decision to be made.

French Macarons with a cucumber, mint, limoncello, ricotta cream, Meyer lemon curd, and Chino Farms strawberry sorbet. Warm Chocolate Tart with coffee roasted beets, crème fraiche, beet greens, cocoa nib, and dulce de leche ice cream. Sesame Doughnuts & Dips with ginger crème anglaise, five spice chocolate sauce, red pean paste, and sweet syrup.

Limoncello, dulce de leche, five spice chocolate is it even allowed that these scrumptious ingredients are printed on the same menu?

Just because it was Monday, I let the delicious man next to me decide on dessert. Eyeroll, it was either the second dirty martini that did me in or I had it bad.

You'll never believe what happened next.

He chose the Carrot Cake.

Dear God, I was practicing my emotions on a man who liked Carrot Cake.

No bourbon caramel sauce, no raspberry whipped cream, certainly no sticky toffee pudding cake.

I decided to go with the flow and let the professionals handle this. My dessert's fate laid in the hands of Executive Chef Trey Foshee who says, "To make really good food, you have to be completely aware of what's going on with the's about combining them in ways that bring out the individual flavors yet allow them to bounce off each other."

Cheers to wishful thinking, for I was hoping Chef Trey would make the carrot bounce off the cake altogether.

After much anticipation, out came the Carrot Cake accompanied with salted walnuts, caramel tuile, cream cheese ice cream, and pineapple kombucha sorbet.

Why, it didn't even look like cake at all! Round balls of cake separated with razor thin wafers, edgy and modern. I liked. After the first bite, I loved. So much, in fact, that when I was saved the last bite, I gladly accepted. Did I mention pineapple kombucha sorbet? This was the coolest carrot cake ever.

Moral of the story, just because it's Monday, let him choose the dessert.

But, only at George's.


Monday, July 7, 2014

How to Fix a Minor Accidental Black Eye, Naturally.

The remaining part of the weekend after celebrating the 4th was spent being a total veg; tanning (subjectively), yoga-ing, vino-ing, cinépolis-ing, and other various -ings you can probably paint a pretty picture with. 

On Saturday night however, I was so apparently vegged out that I ended up giving myself a minor accidental black eye. Oops. Story time.

My girlfriend and I had gone to one of our favorite sushi places in Del Mar, Eda-Mami, and after ordering our usual sashimi plates (Eda-Mami seriously has the best sashimi assortments, FIY, for all of you carb-free-except-when-nobody-is-looking seekers) and beverages (wine glasses as big as fish bowls), we headed over to Cinépolis to watch Tammy - really dumb movie btw, just because Melissa McCarthy is in it does not mean that it's going to be hilarious, note to self.

What was hilarious though, after the fact of course, was giving myself a minor accidental black eye.

My girlfriend and I got all cozy cuddling in our seats, drinks were on their way, and during the previews I decided that I can't wait any longer to pull out the 87% dark chocolate cacao bar(s) I had stashed in my Muse. I reach over to grab my bag, which, if you're not familiar of the size of the YSL Large Muse Handbag, is a whopping 16"x12" beast of a bag, weighted down by buffalo leather and gold hardware (not to mention my personal baggage, I mean, belongings). 

Carrying around this aggressive beast is a better arm work out than my boxing sessions.

Anyway, I reach over, and end up gonking myself in the eye with the bottom corner of my bag...and the lovely gold studs protecting the leather from predators. I blame this entire situation on 99% of a lighting issue, and 1% on the bottle of wine we drank at dinner. 

I toughed it out like a champ and only blurted out a couple profanities.

It wasn't until I came home that I faced, quite literally, a giant shiner that shined like my lip gloss. Winner.

Moral of the story, should you find yourself in a minor accidental situation like this, here's how to fix the problem before anyone else has to know how much of a lush you are or begin to compare you to Rihanna circa Chris Brown 2008.

Check it...

1. Ice baby, ice.

2. Keep elevated.

Duh. What else?

Load up on Vitamin C - which is the number one vitamin capable of producing the collagen that was just broken down in your blood vessels. Super important! Oranges, cauliflower, kale, lemon, chili peppers, kiwis, and guava are all high sources of Vitamin C.

Bromelain it out - this enzyme is key to healing your black eye and keeps the swelling down. Many plastic surgeons recommend taking a bromelain supplement after surgery (in particular, face lift) as a quick anti-inflammatory. You can find bromelain in papaya and pineapple. As delicious as they are to eat, you may also go the calorie free route and apply their pulp directly to the swelled area. Gnarly.

Get earthy with Arnica - an amazing herb that can be used to cure bruises, sprains, strains, inflammation and muscle soreness. Not only is Arnica a great anti-inflammatory herb, but it also works by stimulating white blood cells that fight infections and help to eliminate foreign bodies from the system (including congested blood and fluid causing inflammation). You can make your own Arnica oil by adding one part dried herb with five parts any plant oil, or just book it to any natural grocery store.

Coven that Witch Hazel - which not only reduces inflammation and reduces pain by tightening the veins, but also refreshes your tired eyes. Mix 10 drops of Witch Hazel with 100 ml of water, soak a cotton ball or pad in the solution, and apply this solution to your black eye. Leave on for about 5 minutes and then wash off with water. Do this a couple times a day.

Get cozy with Comfrey Root - an herb extract containing small organic molecule allantoin, which is used by herbalists to stimulate cell growth and repair skin while reducing inflammation. Best mixed with water and turned into a paste, Comfrey Root can be applied directly to the skin in need of repair and washed off after about 5 minutes. Comfrey Root can also be beneficial soaked up with a cloth and used as a compress, but do not use this root on your skin more than once a day, overexposure can be toxic for your skin.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S’mores Bars; Vegan Edition.

So I am having one of those days where I want to be really bad. I don't know if it's just because I'm on Day 3 of a juice cleanse or if I'm just being Miley, I mean, me, but I want really really bad things

I literally just asked my sister if she would go get our very favorite chocolate chip pear muffin from Thyme in the Ranch for me, as I sipped my detoxifying beet juice out of a straw. 

Le total cleansing hypocrite. 

Anyway, to stop myself from raiding our secretary's desk drawer for the most amazing Celtic Sea Salt Caramels that I know she keeps hidden in there, I indulged calorie-free on Pinterest and came across the baddest of bad.

I could seriously make this post so vulgar right now talking about all of the bad things I want to do to those bars, but I will spare you, my dear readers, and poor kevin & amanda because this is their pride and joy. Now, I'm not confirmed on that and just making stuff up, but if these Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S'mores Bars were a child, it would definitely be my favorite child, even over my own future nasty vegan children.

Now, speaking of nasty vegans, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these bars, except for the fact that I can't eat any of these ingredients except the Ritz crackers (they're deceivingly already vegan):

Ingredients for kevin & amanda's

I know, I'm no fun.

But guess what, I've found incredible vegan substitutes that, with all of the ridiculous sugar and carbs going on here, you won't even be able to taste the difference! My vegan version may even be more fattening!

Check it...

1 box yellow cake mix = try Duncan Hines's Classic Yellow Cake Mix, it was vegan before the word vegan was even a thing, it's not even labeled "vegan" - such a hipster. You can get it at any grocery store.

2 sleeves Ritz crackers = try, drum roll please...Ritz Crackers! Yeah, they're totally vegan. Don't be fooled by their flaky, buttery taste. It's all in the processing...yikes, moving on.

1 egg = try Ener-G Egg Replacer or you could get all sorts of creative with these following conversions all equaling one egg: 2 tbsp potato starch (1 egg), 1 mashed banana (1 egg), 1/4 cup applesauce (1 egg), 1 tbsp ground flax seed simmered in 3 tbsp water (1 egg).

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened = try Earth Balance, available anywhere Tahini is sold.

1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow creme = try Suzanne's Ricemellow Marshmallow Creme. It has soy protein in it, but I never said that these bars were healthy...they only save the lives of animals with a few simple substitutions. 

1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk = try Coco Lopez Cream Coconut, it's way easier than making a version from scratch or winging it with an unsweetened can of coconut milk and adding in sugar.

2 (8 oz) bags mini Reese's peanut butter cups = try Justin's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups, they're seriously like crack and I'm obsessed. You can find them almost anywhere. If you don't like the dark chocolate version, you could order Cleo's Peanut Butter Cups ahead of time (the only vegan milk chocolate version on the market) or put on your DIY apron and get busy making your own - I like this raw recipe from The Blonde Vegan.

Now that you have all of your vegan ingredients in check, follow kevin & amanda's amazing recipe for Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S'mores Bars. I promise, it's super easy and will turn out deliciously bad!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Northern Blues; Adolfo Dominguez.

Adolfo Dominguez makes me want to take off all of my clothes.

What I'm exactly talking about is the Northern Blues (pre fall 2014) collection, "shapes and textures of rustic sophistication" constructed for the adventurous man. 

Yes. Yes, please.

I get it, it's sort of "thrift shop" grandpa style, but this grandpa is a G.I.L.F. - have me now.

This collection is rugged and mountain-esque, it's got urban hipster sewn in the cardigans mixed with the well-constructed leather soles of a Wallstreeter. With a sort of Ralph Lauren Black Label put togetherness, this collection is like the best chocolate chip cookie you've ever tasted.

Northern Blues is bearded and it's sincere.

My mind is ultimately blown by this collection and I want it on every man walking on this earth.

Check it...

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Your Just Dad Swiped Right; How To Get More Instagram Followers By Using Tinder.

All of you Tinderellas attempting to match happily ever after with your handsome prince archaically 21st century of you and not to mention, delusional. Swiping right in attempt to set up a date for a free liquid meal (plus an olive or two) at a new posh, that's just embarrassing.

Call me cynical, but your dad just swiped right.

Lets face it, we're all just on Tinder to get more Instagram followers.

Whether you're "a model" - and I use that term very subjectively - and are trying to increase your exposure, or you just want more followers to feel pseudo famous, Tinder is your number one app to increase your followers count.

Here's how to do it...

1. Swipe right on everybody. Yes, this includes the creepy man with rapist glasses on. And scarily, even more deceiving, the nerdy guy petting the sedated tiger. Guess what? He doesn't work for National Geographic, in fact, he's about as unethically minded about animals as a communist eating a dog sandwich. Makes for awesome followers, don't you think?

2. When I say swipe right on everybody, I mean the same sex too. You don't want just a bunch of guys following you on Instagram, your boyfriend would get totally jealous (he knows you're on Tinder right?). You want lots of lesbians following you too! They leave great comments. So supportive. My lesbian friends happen to be the best followers, and they're not even into me.

3. Don't forget to put your Instagram name in your profile before you start swiping. I say this now because I want to laugh to myself knowing that you probably are taking a break from swiping to edit your profile. Finish reading my damn post before you start swiping. Oh, but while you're editing...

4. Take out the part about you "not looking for hook ups." What guy isn't looking to hook up? Possibly the nerdy guy petting the sedated tiger, and he already liked you back. You just lost yourself at least 75% of potential Instagram followers who swiped left thinking you were a frigid betch.

5. Communication time? Don't respond. You've already promoted yourself. Well done.

*No, I am not currently on Tinder. I prefer to buy my followers...just kidding.

Highlighted Words