Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal


Monday, February 3, 2014

Out on the Town; Shoe Vows.

1. I vow to never be ashamed of my height, should I choose a pair of Louboutins that put me at 6'2" and towering. I will stand tall with my chin up and my shoulders back, and hold my nose at a down to earth level so that I am approachable to the hot 6 footers.

2. I vow to not charge ahead of my girlfriends walking from one place to another if they are wearing less comfortable shoes than I am. It is not their fault that I went with a Fendi Mary Jane and they're in Givenchy booties.

3. I vow to never wear a pair of suede pumps in the rain. This means I would be committing shoe cruelty and sentencing my suedes to death a.k.a. the back of the closet forever, or worse...the Goodwill.

4. I vow to never intentionally step on a girls foot with my spiky YSLs. One word, Karma. She's a b*tch and remember, her heels are higher than yours.

5. I vow to always tell a girl if her Choo's have clung onto a strand of toilet paper leaving the restroom. Unless, of course, she's wearing Jessica Simpsons and pretending they're this season's Marni. Then jokes on her.

6. I vow to never spill my champagne on another girl's shoes. Champagne is made from grapes and grapes convert to sugar and sugar is sticky. Champagne is a travesty if it misses the mouth. If you must "accidentally" spill a drink, it must be sugar free and you are only allowed to go for the cold-shock effect of the vodka soda. Blue cheese martinis may be used as ammunition, only if totally deserving.

7. I vow to not kick a bottle service girl in the face when I am dancing on the table uncontrollably. She has the right to then spill an entire pitcher full of cranberry juice on me and that is most definitely not sugar free.

8. I vow to not make fun of the sober girl who is sitting down because her shoes are killing her. It's not her fault that she's no fun and doesn't understand that a sip of Veuve can make the pain go away.

9. I vow to never take off my shoes and walk on the sidewalks barefooted. The only time I am allowed to take off my shoes before the party is over is if I am en route to an after party driving down the Vegas strip in my friend's new Rolls and he tells me to take off my Louboutins and feel the new shag carpet he had put in the back.

10. I vow to never ever steal another girl's shoes by the door leaving the after party, even if she's drunk and passed out. Revisit #4...Karma. Plus, she was most likely the one to take off her shoes and walk on the sidewalks with bare feet...and then put her feet back in her shoes when she reached the after party. Gross.

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