Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal


Monday, June 4, 2012

How To Not Look Poor.

Regardless of what's in the bank, anyone can look rich. 

 Olivia Palermo

To me, "being rich" is purely an overused opinion. As everybody flies first class, anyone can "pop bottles (of water)" and "make it rain (one dollar bills)," and everyone can get a really great looking fake Chanel bag and pretend it's real - you're only hurting yourself by doing this, but some idiot will buy into it and think you're actually really fashionable...jokes on them, Canal Street.

The real talent these days is looking poor.

 Mary-Kate Olsen

Just look at Mary-Kate takes a lot of money to look that poor.

Regardless of the incredible technique it takes to looking poor when you have more money than every state in the Midwest...most normal people should try to avoid this look.

This is to be disregarded of course if you're a dirty hipster or a bohemian gypsy.

For the rest of us, here's a quick guide on how to not look poor when you actually have money...

1. Stop filling your closet up with garbage from H&M. I know some of you absolutely love H&M, even some of my dear close friends that are reading this blog love H&M, but it's not okay to dress up in this crap any longer. I understand how excited you get over the fact that you can walk out with five huge bags full of clothes, shoes, and accessories for less money than my Missoni dress that I got for 40% off. I'd be excited too, ecstatic actually...if it wasn't crap. H&M makes you look poor. At least limit it or mix it in with your other options for God's sake.

2. Get your heels fixed. Nightclubs are like dogs. Spend one night out with the girls in a pair of fabulous shoes and you might as well have just given your Louboutin to the pup. It takes 2 minutes of your time to drop off your heels with the local cobbler and pick them up the next day brand new. Even if you have to wait a week, it's worth shouldn't be wearing the same pair of heels in that close of rotation anyway.

3. What's with the messy up-do you turn to every single day and night? I love a fun ponytail, especially when paired with a bold colorful blazer or intense lipstick and chunky statement necklace...but every single day and night? Something is definitely going on here. You can't "casually" throw up a pony all the time and get away with it. Get your roots done, maybe a blow least wash your damn hair. There is nothing more disgusting (or poor-looking) than dirty hair.

4. Plastic jewelry. Don't wear it. It looks stupid. Unless it's a fun L.V. bangle or two added into your arm candy, stay away for the cancer radiating material entirely.

5. If your jeans remind me of Swiss cheese on a Subway sandwich, you probably look poorer than a $5 foot-long. I love the distressed look, but if your dark wash cigarette J-Brands are ripped to shreds, it's time for a new pair. We all have our favorite pairs of jeans, I appreciate that. But come on, denim is uncomfortable...why would you want to look like you slept in it anyway?

6. I'm a total advocate for faux fur. Real fur, fake fur, it's totally a matter of preference. "Would you like nonfat or soy in your latte?" - same thing. However, just because it's faux, doesn't mean you should go for the road kill look to make it appear more authentic. If the fur is at all matted down or in clumps, your animal is diseased and should not be on your body.

7. Since we're on the topic of faux...if you wear any form of a faux Herve Leger bandage dress you will without a doubt, look poor. If you're wearing a real one, don't commit any of the Herve Leger Bandage Dress Crimes that I pointed out previously.

There are always exceptions to the exceptions, and these are strictly my own opinions. I am not dressing you, but I am advising you. I have faith in you to always look fabulous - share the wealth!

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