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Thursday, October 8, 2015

Present...ly without You.


In my yoga classes, just as my students are slipping off into a long and well-deserved savasana, I always try to guide them into the care of being presently within themselves, while at the same time, allowing their mind to be free and wander.

This is the way I mentally direct myself in my own self-practice and call me a gypsy, but I love not have boundaries as I blissfully dive into the resonance of my own body and forget the rest of the world...at least for a mere handful of minutes on my mat.

There is nothing more frustrating to me than a guided savasana setting up walls for my mind to be contained in, so I appreciate this mindful allowance of wanderlust.

Except of course, when lately, my default traveler of a mind has been presently contained in a singular box in my brain, artfully labeled with a capital-lettered, "You."

This box was supposed to be long forgotten, dusty, and tucked high on a shelf, unreachably far away. But, for some reason whenever I allow my mind to roam, it loves to reach in between the nooks and crannies of our memories and pull out a dagger of unexpected feeling.

I think of You all the time, you know, except, you don't really know at all. Because that's been the problem with us all along, we both cared at exactly the wrong times. What I wish the most, is to tell you I care and that I will keep caring until you come around. I won't forget you this time or abandon ship, I'm not scared anymore of what may come. I'm just not interested in any of it anymore, if you're not along for the ride.

To me, you are like an unopened present left under the tree well past Christmas Day, that I keep staring at as a little kid. I don't mind waiting, because I am certain that you're my counterpoint in this crazy world we live in. If only we get a real shot.

Please hurry up. It's so hard to be present in a world where I'm presently without you. 

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