At this time, we really see what everyone has been wearing, hiding out behind their drunken designer shades in the Riviera Magazine tent or underneath their polished hats seated in VIP. For the first time in 5 years of attending Opening Day at the San Diego Polo Club, I put my critical glare aside and say "over it!" - commending those who failed to follow the dozens of perfectly prepared style guides launched months in advance of June 1st.
If it wasn't for you, ignoring The Opening Day Style Guide presented by my friends at Nubry and not even bothering to click on LisaPriceInc.'s Dos and Don'ts for the Rest of Polo Season., us ladies at polo (and a handful of the most fabulous men) would have absolutely nothing to talk about.
It is because of your unique sense of fashion, throwing couture straight into the wind, that people watching is considered just as much of a sport as the polo game itself on this day.
With that being said, here's what else to officially be over...
1. Waiting an hour (plus) in the VIP tent to be served your first glass of warm champagne. You sit down before everybody else, you order more bottles of champagne than the rich Mexicans next to you did at the club last night, and you're sitting there out of your mind for an hour plus like a total Sober Sally going through withdrawals. Solution? Get off your a**, walk over to the bars set up by the entrance, and triple fist bottles of champagne in each hand to bring back to your table. Cue the applause.
2. Trying to look as good in a floral sundress as Nubry and falling short. You are automatically set at a disadvantage by literally falling short. These long-legged blondes are not only taller than you barefooted on the beach, but they wear designer heels bigger than your boyfriend's d*ck. Oh, and did I mention there are two of them, and one of you? Stop trying to compete.
3. The drunk girl trying to talk to you about printed dresses. She's telling you how much she loves your outfit and how much she loves a good print. You're wearing black. You then thank her and tell her that her printed dress is fab too. She's wearing tie-dye paired with a snakeskin clutch, slurring her prints more than her words. My advice? Just walk away.
4. Men failing to front the bill. They've got a big Rolex on their wrist but their game is more over than the fat lady singing. They are persistent on talking to you, but don't initiate buying you a drink. I'm sorry, but what part of listening to you speaking while I'm sober is not considered pure medieval torture? Goodbye.
5. The group of girls reenacting the song #selfie. Just offer to take the damn photo for them already. Go with the XX Pro filter over Valencia, write them a clever caption, and tell the girl who definitely bought all of her Instagram followers to go take some shots and go home with Jason already.
6. Being starved and deciding to go to the cliché after party where there won't be anything to eat. The "official" after party is the absolute worst place to go if you want to have a good time with your actual friends, eat something, and possibly take off your shoes underneath the linen tablecloth (reference: Linen Tablecloths; A Girl's Best Kept Secret.)...totally "just kidding." Go where you want and make your own after party. The "official" after party is just overpriced general public admission. Pass.
7. Your drunk ex. Besos.