Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Double Fisting Champagne, Stylishly.


So, your best friend and you decided that it was going to be a "champagne night" and for one reason or another, one glass just made things totally cliché and not a minute later, you both find yourselves double fisting flutes of champagne. Totally standard, right? Thought so.

Well, here's how to not lose your sh*t:


1. Clutch? Check. You need a clutch that isn't going to run away, flop open, dump all of the contents of it out onto the floor, and allow the floor to eat up your favorite discontinued YSL matte finish lipstick, never to be found again...until the b*tch next to you rolls her spiky little knock-off heel onto it, topples over, and spills her vodka cran all over your pastel peplum. Moral of the story? Keep your clutch on a short leash...I mean, chain.


2. Speaking of that matte finish lipstick... Sometimes, just sometimes, double fisting champagne leads to an intense urgency (and newfound life mission) to want to make out with the TD&H (tall, dark, and handsome...learn your LisaPriceInc. acronyms, thanks) standing mysteriously in the corner of the room. Don't do this if he is someone else's boyfriend, and definitely don't do this if you have a boyfriend. If all is safe, proceed ahead with nude lips. You may wear red only if you plan on making out monogamously with your champagne flute.


3. Don't make me put you on arm candy probation. As much as I love and crave arm candy aggressive enough to cause an elbow cavity (especially the above by Giambattista Valli), it's really annoying when you're carrying around your bubbles sounding like a f*cking tambourine. If you absolutely must raise your hands in the air, don't raise them like Mr. Bojangles in worn out shoes. Your Choo's are better than that.


4. On the topic of Choo's... Wear a sturdy pair. Now is not the time to test out your new Louboutin spikes for the very first time out of the box (save them for a situation out of Linen Tablecloths; A Girl's Best Kept Secret). Based off of past experience, one does not "sit down" while she's double fisting champagne. She is most certainly standing upright - hopefully - and possibly on top of a table - kidding, hopefully.


5. When you've finally reached that point, go home. There comes a time during every champagne driven night that it is time to call it a night. This doesn't mean you have to end the fun! You just should be having fun in private. Call up Uber, do not call up your ex-boyfriend. Keep your shoes on your feet until you've reached your front door mat, do not strip any other articles of clothing until the door is shut...and you're on the right side of the door, out of public view.

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