Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Monday, April 7, 2014

The Do's and Don'ts of Cinépolis.


So, Cinépolis...a chain of luxury cinemas that have forever changed the standards of movie dates. Unlike your standard Edwards, black leather (recliners) and zebra print (popcorn) are included in the stylistic atmosphere. How chic.

Now that the G.P. have caught on to this date night phenomenon, I think it's time to point out a few things you absolutely should (and absolutely shouldn't) do.

The Do's and Don'ts of Cinepolis:


1. Don't dress like a hooker. Save your cheap ill-fitted Zara dress for a different dark occasion, like next weekend when you're raiding some nasty ageist bottle popper's table for a free flute of Veuve and making it rain with $1 bills.


2. This means leaving your stripper shoes at home too. I can't tell you how many times I've seen girls on dates come into the theater wearing 6-inch stripper shoes, finding out that their seating row is the second closest to the screen, and eating sh*t down two stairs to their seat because their date is already over them and charged ahead to the seat so he didn't have to talk to her for a good 90-minutes plus.


3. Don't take pictures of your feet. That's so cute that you both listened to me and left your stripper shoes at home. I don't support your unflattering choice of Steve Madden's, but at least you got to your seat without rug burn.


4. If you have balls, don't order a cocktail in a martini glass. Especially if it's red. Not only will you end up drinking 5 of these because they're so easy to throw back, but you'll also end up leaving loaded with a pink tinted shirt. Note to himself: It's really hard to make all the liquid into your mouth when you're reclined in the dark and garnishes are floating around in your fruity cocktail.


5. Champagne, great call. Not only is champagne delicious with everything on the menu - sweet potato fries, sushi, starburst, you name it - but it's practically spill-proof and buying the bottle will save you money in the end, I promise.


6. Zebra popcorn, another great call. This is the most delicious movie treat in the entire world. It's gluten free and 0 cal right? Let's believe what we want. This, unlike a fruity man cocktail, is super easy to make into the mouth. FYI.


7. Don't hog the waiter. Yes, he may be your personal slave for the next hour and a half, but he will stop coming back after awhile and your almond milk chai latte may just show up as cold as your gelato. Be respectful and tip accordingly.


8. Don't chat up someone else's date. Your waiter will serve you a complimentary espresso martini with an arsenic froth and you will have the angry girlfriend to raise a toast to.



9. If the female is cold, buy the blanket. Yes, it's worse fleece-grade than an airplane blanket in coach, but it's warm. Watching a movie when you're freezing cold is worse than waking up in your hotel room with a tiger, and hey, you might just get to cop a feel underneath that blanket. Pervey.


10. Just don't be these people. Ever.

1 comment:

  1. haha, this is spot on. Going to cinepolis in pajamas is totally acceptable though, right?

    ReplyDelete

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