Jessica Biel, Valentine's Day
So, you're single for Valentine's Day, dear reader.
This is not something to mourn, this is something to celebrate!
You don't have to kill yourself over a 14-day Master Cleanse so that you can fit into itty bitty Kiki de Montparnasse lingerie after a romantic dinner and a bottle of champagne, you don't have to go on a Hunger Games style hunt for an available blow out, and you don't have to spend three days gluing on effing rhinestone crystals all over a really lame, but luxuriously creative, black crocodile skin scrapbook for your longterm boyfriend who, a month later, you're no longer with.
Humph. No hard feelings, a**hole.
This Valentine's Day is all about you, and only you, and definitely not the nasty male species. Feel free to get together your other single girlfriends, but don't invite the downer who hasn't embraced her singlehood yet. She's only going to turn your pretty party into a pity party, and that's not hot. Send her a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, the Sex and the City box set, and a sweet note telling her that you'll call her on the 15th.
Here's what your Valentine's Day should entail...
1. A pole dancing class. What better for your body than a taut booty and killer inner thighs? Grab a few of your favorite girlfriends and take a class. You'll leave feeling like a certified stripper.
2. Some spa time. Book an appointment at your favorite spa for a 120-minute massage with the hottest male therapist. You'll never want to go back to a boring couples massage, where you are forced to split the time...and the attention.
3. While you're at it, how about a facial? You don't have to worry about post-facial break outs or irritation because you won't have a date to hide it from. Get the oxygen facial, a heavy peel, and perhaps a couple injections, should your heart so desire. Knock yourself out...but, be careful with the vicodin.
4. Pop open a bottle. As the wise Coco Chanel said, "I drink champagne on two occasions. When I am in love, and when I'm not." This darling, is one of those occasions.
5. Make yourself a healthy dinner. Forget slaving away in the kitchen for five hours on a surf and turf. You have no one to impress. Make a delicious healthy dinner for yourself. Iceberg lettuce and NadaMoo! substitute just fine...so does my favorite meal to make, a to-go order.
6. Get to shopping, online. You know that money that was going to go to expensive French lingerie and an Hermès tie for your beau? It's all yours, baby. Spend it online from your couch, no dressing rooms and no lines.
7. Movie for one. Forget the sappy love stories and the romantic rom-coms. Jennifer Aniston and Katherine Heigl, you're not real life. Turn on that documentary you've been wanting to watch on the behind the scenes of the modeling industry, or buy the bad movie on iMovie that nobody wanted to see with you.
8. Invite over that friend who came home from the Tinder date early. You're dying to hear how creepy he was, she'll need a glass of wine...and will most likely be willing to share her chocolates with you. Entertainment at its finest.