San Diego Polo Players
Dos and Don'ts
Partner in Crime/Designer of Azzurra Capri, Diana, and I
1. Do dress up. I get it, there's not a "specifically stated strict" dress code enforced at the Polo Club, but Dear God, try to at least look presentable. Some of you showed up looking like you were out for your Sunday grocery shopping at Whole Foods and on your way back to Fairbanks when you decided to stop by the field to see what was going on. Blue denim jeans and a white zip up jacket from a cheap Dolce & Gabbana track suit are not a good look. Men and women alike are included in this bad example since I saw this outfitted style from both genders yesterday, you know who you are...although you're probably not reading my blog, please start.
2. Don't drink the cheap champagne by the glass. Korbel sucks and you will get a massive headache before the bartender even pops open the bottle...oh wait, it's probably already opened and flat from the previous cheap ass who only bought a glass. Buy a bottle - even if you have to hire somebody to walk around next to you and carry it. Note: Ladies, this is what super nice and hot boyfriends are for.
Polo Player Spraying Veuve
3. Do bring a pair of sunglasses. Even if they don't fit in your itty bitty clutch, do bring a pair. When you leave your VIP tent to go out for the champagne divot stomp on the field you're going to want them...especially if you're a couple flutes of Dom deep. I made this mistake yesterday thinking that my new Tom Ford eyeshadow palette was too hot to cover up and ended up being blinded by a horrible mix of sun and photographers. Blue eyeshadow got in my eye from all the squinting and soon enough I was crying cobalt blue tears...Allure magazine, where's my close up?
4. Don't match your ex-boyfriend. If you have a gold "H" Hermès belt and he has a gold "H" Hermès belt and it's Opening Day at the Polo Club, what are the chances you will both wear your gold "H" Hermès belts? Pretty much a guarantee. Best way to avoid the situation in the future? Don't buy your next boyfriend such nice matching gifts for Christmas because you will not get it back in the break up bag along with your Neutrogena face wipes and flat iron.
Cheese and Carbs
5. Do order a cheese platter. You didn't eat all day so that you could fit into your sundress or high-waisted trousers (that I beg of you, are not made out of stretchy fabric), you deserve a bite or three of cheese and carbs. Plus this is the only decent appetizer on the menu. If you think browned celery sticks and GMO hummus are healthy, you're on crack. Order the cheese board to share and save yourself an impulse slider later on in the afternoon that you grabbed off the nicely dressed man's plate.
6. Don't wear lip gloss. You are just asking for a Monet in your hair if you do. This is the day to try out a new lip stain. In fact, this is the day that the lip stain was invented for. It doesn't move around your face, and it doesn't transfer to your hair and act like an adhesive when a gust of wind decides to sweep across the field...which is every minute of the afternoon.
Audrey Hepburn, Funny Face
7. Do refrain from dancing too much. I know, I know, you had the time of your life at the Polo Club and you just do not want the greatest afternoon of your aged life to end! But please, collect yourself and gracefully leave when it is time to leave. Do not dance after the DJ has packed up his tracks and left, do not dance as the maintenance crew is shuffling sh*t from the porter potties. Better hope your dancing shoes Shuffled off to Buffalo long, long ago.
8. Don't talk loudly about your Bentley waiting in line at valet. Especially if the valet boy brings up a Bentley that was rented by the fake b*tch standing next to you at last week's event. Renting cars is like Rent the Runway, it's hardly (not at all) acceptable and slightly (very) in appropriate. If you're that ashamed of your 2006 BMW, spare yourself the rented humiliation and money and Uber it home.
Pony Room at the Rancho Valencia
Cambiaso, and there you have it.