Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Monday, June 17, 2013

Attending The White Party; The Rules.

The White Party

Get ready for the most popular themed party for the next 2.5 months - The White Party. After going to two of them over the past weekend, I know I'm going to have to stock up on some appropriate whites to add into my Black Sea of a closet...luckily, whites are so easy to repeat.

Here are a The Rules for attending The White Party:

It's ok to steal a little attention.

1. If you're going to The White Party, wear white. The only exceptions are the following: 1. Your gay best friend is throwing it - in this case, the only white he will be wearing at most is a pair of super chic Dolce & Gabbana trousers paired with a brightly colored sport jacket, pattern most likely included, bow tie optional depending on his hair., 2. You're crashing The White Party after 1:00 am and are coming from your hot hipster boyfriend's art exhibit opening, who is also moodily tagging along wearing all black.

Blake Lively's "a pop of color."

2. Yes, this means you wear white shoes too. I don't care if you want to add "a pop of color" to your white Marc Jacobs sheath with the huge-white-double-breasted-buttons. If this is an all white party, stick to the paint sample please. I'm willing to bet my vodka soda on it that every other girl would much rather wear this season's neon green Jimmy Choo's rather than last season's white strappy leather Manolos. P.S. If you do randomly choose to wear your white patent leather Louboutin pumps and they just so happen to have "a pop of color" on the sole, this is totally ok and super cool and something I would do...just saying.

Lemon and/or lime allowed.

3. Speaking of vodka sodas, order one. Why? Because they're clear.

Kyle Richards deathly close to the water.

4. On the subject of things not so transparent, don't you dare get a spray tan the day of. Even worse, don't you dare do a D.I.Y. self-tanner the day of. I don't want to see orange streaks on your white outfit, and more so importantly, I don't want to see orange streaks on my white outfit as you brush on by. If I see the latter, I may just bump you into the pool and walk away. Don't worry, white and water are a boy's best friend...you'll recover.

VS Angels in white.

5. Forego the neutral lip. You're already in white, enough with the corpse look. I suggest a bright red à la Marilyn Monroe, a lavender purple à la Givenchy Spring runway, or a fun pink à la Barbie. And as far as fragrance is concerned, definitely spritz up. It will set you apart. However, I beg, do not do some "airy light young prostitute" parfum, you're wafty enough as it is in white, grab onto some substance and musk.

Chanel Effing Flap disgrace.

6. Leave your Chanel Effing Flap at home. Just because you have one doesn't mean it needs to be with you everywhere. Unless it's a mini white on a gold chain worn long and not doubled, leave it at home with your dog (in separate corridors, of course, don't let Dina make it into a chew toy). I suggest carrying a delicate Judith Leiber or a hideously ginormous white Birkin that you shouldn't own under the age of 65.

Chuck Bass does it right.

7. If you have a male date in tow, make sure he isn't wearing a white tuxedo button down with pleats and ruffles and further embarrassing details. A plain white button down will do, a white silk V-neck is even better. A white jacket is necessary, and it must not be leather or linen. A different color trim is acceptable as an accessory. As far as shoes go, I love a pair of patent white Pradas with a chunky sole or a pair of white suede Tod's...not to be confused with Tom's. Socks must be white and the only jewelry that can be worn is a watch. No gold chains or pinky rings...we don't want him looking like a Cuban Drug Lord. Save that role for closed doors.

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