Friday, March 2, 2012
The Age of the Slutty Dresses.
I was with a group of friends last night at one of our usual Thursday night spots, Sip, a hot new Del Mar wine bar that we're obsessed with.
My girlfriend and I were talking about our old days of owner table hopping, the trauma our poor feet went through from dancing nonstop Thursday night through Sunday morning, and absolutely cringing over the outfits we used to go out in.
We were never terribly tacky in our dress selections - as I'm pretty sure that I had a Neimans card well before this time - but oh my god, after looking back at those prime days of disaster we were asking ourselves, "did we actually wear that???
This, my dear fashionista, is known as The Age of the Slutty Dresses. And I hate to break it to you, but we all have one (if you don't, then you're severely missing out on a damaging, yet valuable learning experience that sets the foundation for your social future).
I know some of you have still managed to hold onto some of the slutty dresses of your past in the back of your closet...god forbid you're actually wearing them.
Don't pretend you're saving them for a "spur of the moment trip to Vegas with the girls" - because bitch please, you're buying a new wardrobe for that one.
Not by giving them to your little sister (let her pick out her own slutty dresses) - but by revamping them with other materials that you already have in your closet.
How to Revamp your Slutty Dresses...
1. Too short? Add tights, depending on how short is "too short," they may have to be matte. Don't ever pull out leggings though, this is still a dress, not a tunic.
2. Too low? Don't you dare layer it over something like a tank. This is disgusting. Grab a slouchy chunky sweater to pull over, your dress is now a mini. How very Carrie Bradshaw circa SATC 2 of you.
3. Too many cut-outs? Wear a skimming body suit under as appropriate to your garment (no, not Spanx, but with a more so lingerie feel instead of an American Apparel cat suit that will add bulk) to cover up the cut-outs. Bare skin appearing from odd places is just slutty.
4. Too much? Tone the glitz down with a jacket. A leather jacket works quite well. I actually live by this staple when I'm out in something too flashy for the occasion. Leather automatically brings your outfit down to an "I don't give a..." attitude. It's perfect.
5. Too cheap? Throw it away. Now. Cheap can't ever be recycled.
Boyfriend jeans. An utter disgrace to a hardworking woman's thigh gap. I'm not ignorant, I totally get that you like to get do...
" You lose 75% of heat through your hat " and " if your feet are cold, put on a hat " may just be myths, but I find ...
As I was downing my AM coffee, sitting cross-legged in my leather office chair trying to stretch out my " dancer's dent " ...
Whoever said going neutral isn't bold is dead wrong. I despise this statement because it is such a fashion stereotype . There are s...
Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Samantha covers herself in sushi for a Valentine's Day surprise? Of course you do, it...
Lets talk about the iconic Herve Leger Bandage Dress for a moment here... I'm not one to knock down the signature bandage dress. Per...