Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Blog Snagged; Nut Butter Truffles, I Dig.


So I recently chopped off my hair again. And when I say recently, I mean like a day ago. This time, my locks (or lack thereof) coming up higher on my neck than a lot of the guys I've dated with manbuns. Liberating, I know.

For some reason, having short hair allows me to think clearer, be more direct in my communications, and feel freer in my physical body. Sh*ts dope. Don't be terrified of shedding the initial energy trapped in your hair, it will grow back, Mother Nature's promise.

Speaking of directness, I woke up this morning wanting one specific thing for breakfast. Most specifically, a side to my black coffee. 

I woke up craving these orgasmic nut butter truffles I saw posted on the Free People Blog (a resource for everything great and more) the other day. They're 1. easy, 2. paleo, 3. vegan, 4. gluten free, and 5. totally indulgent. Right up anyones' alley.

I made the Sunflower-Cinnamon truffles this morning because I love cinnamon and I felt like sunflowers were a really beautiful way to start the morning, but next time I do this I think I'll attempt to make all three for an assortment and package extras up for loved ones.


Here's the breakdown...

1. Ya start with a base. That's right, a base, no treble. Cringe.

Base: 1/3 cup nut or seed butter (almond, cashew, sunflower, etc.) combined with 1/4 cup coconut butter. Mix butters in a bowl and microwave for about 15 seconds, stirring again after to make sure both butters are melted together in a lovely buttery marriage.

2. Toast your toppings (choose from below, #3 options).

Toast: Heat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spread nuts or coconut out on the parchment and toast for 5 to 10 minutes, shaking it up often so your crunch doesn't burn.

3. Now for the fun...three balls of lust to choose from.


Coco-Hazelnut: 1 tsp pure vanilla extract, 1-2 tbsp cacao or coco powder, 1/2 cup finely chopped toasted hazelnuts.

Combine vanilla and cacao with the nut butter blend and mix thoroughly. Place in the refrigerator and allow to cool until hardened. Remove the blend from the fridge and scoop out by the teaspoon, rolling each scoop quickly into a ball. These tend to melt easily with the warmth of your hands, so it's important to work fast. Roll each ball in toasted hazelnuts and refrigerate until ready to serve.


Coconut-Almond: 1 tsp pure almond extract, 1/4 cup almond silvers, 1/2 cup finely-shredded unsweetened toasted coconut.

Mix the almond extract and almond slivers together with the nut butter blend. Place in the refrigerator and allow to cool until hardened. Remove the mix from the fridge and scoop out by the teaspoon, rolling each scoop quickly into a ball. Roll each ball in the toasted coconut and refrigerate until ready to serve.


Sunflower-Cinnamon: 1 tsp pure vanilla extract, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 cup unsalted sunflower seeds.

Mix the vanilla and cinnamon together with the nut butter blend. Place in the refrigerator and allow to cool until hardened. Remove the mix from the fridge and scoop out by the teaspoon, rolling each scoop quickly into a ball. Roll each ball in the sunflower seeds and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

I Tackle Weeds Just So The Moon Buggers Nibble; Rainy Sundays.

Alt-J - Left Hand Free (Lido Remix)

Those of you who know me, know that I walk to the beat of Alt-J's drum on a daily basis. This music resonates in my soul so much, I feel it from the tips of my toes all the way to my crown. I dig it.

On rainy days like today, I love to hunker up in my room in my fuzzy vegan muckluks with a cup of tea and purge my closet, paint, practice inversions, write some sweet poetry, cleanse my crystals, binge on pinterest, you know, the usu.

I pretty much ignore all life and inspire for the week ahead. It's blissful.

Here's to holing up with inspiration...


Moon metallic body paint. So cool.


A wedding dress I actually wouldn't hate to wear.


She's so rad. I want to be her friend.


Actually, I think I just dig the septum ring and the vamp lips.


Maybe just the septum ring? Yes/no?


Ok, I'll start faux. Just ordered these three from Etsy.


Fun sh*t.


Want to make this for my room using crystals.


Ya, right?


Yum.


Double yum.


I wonder how all of the bearded men are going to look once beards go out of style and they all are forced to shave.


Eh. I think they'll be just fine.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

A Clean Whole30 Meal An Idiot Could Make In Their Sleep; Sautéed Kale with Hempseed and an Avocado Poached Egg.


Lately you guys have been giving me a really huge head by complimenting me on my insta-filtered cooking masterpieces, and while I appreciate it, I have to have an honest moment.

I am not a culinary genius. At all.

I'm actually super lazy, picky when it comes to ingredients I like to use, and get super ADD if I have to make something that takes longer than an episode on HBO pantry to plate.

That being said however, the sh*t I whip up for myself is borderline phenomenal and literally is so easy that an idiot could make it in their sleep.

All it took was a little effing practice. That's my secret.

A couple of years ago my culinary claim to fame was making a reservation. I was blessed with boyfriends who were incredible cooks, so naturally I was left tending to the coffee (I'm an excellent milk frother, btw), and opening up wine bottles (depending on the meal, of course). 

One of my exs made the best freaking eggs, to this day, I have ever tasted. Sauteéing the little bell peppers, whipping up yolks into fluffy little clouds, melting cheese to perfection. I don't know how he did it. Another was a boy who could barbecue a mean one, his marinades were downright out of this world, I'm pretty sure he was a Chilean chili pepper gatherer or hippie herbalist in a previous life. And let's not forget the badass baker I was pretty into for the sole reason that he made better cookies than my grandma. He was a keeper for a good hot second, at least until I needed to start zipping up my pants again.

Anyway, after these talented morsels of men came and went, I decided to start cooking for my own. Let me tell you, dear reader, it was touch and go there for awhile. But, after doing the time, I started to get freakin' good. Practice is an extraordinary thing that many people take for a load of crap.

So if you're a certified retard in the kitchen, take a little time and concentrate. Don't be an a**hole and give up. You're better than that. You can so do this. If I can, you sure as sh*t can.

Generally when I cook for myself I eat either raw, vegan, or follow the Whole30 meal guidelines. I like to keep it clean so that when I do actually go out, I can have whatever the hell I want. And, unless of course I'm cooking for someone else and trying to show off, I keep it easy peasy.

Here is a clean Whole30 meal I whipped up today that an idiot could make in their sleep, try it out...

Sautéed Kale with Hempseed and an Avocado Poached Egg

Sautéed Kale with Hempseed and an Avocado Poached Egg

Ingredients:

1 aggressive handful of kale
1 tbs cold-pressed coconut oil
2 tbs raw hempseeds
1 scallion (if you don't know what this is, don't assume, google it)
1/2 a fresh avocado
1 egg
A pretty pinch of pink Himalayan salt

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 or 400 degrees if you're an impatient betch, like me. 

2. Take the seed out of the avocado and scoop a little of the avocado out from around it to have a large enough hole to crack your egg into. Eat the extra avo, feed it to your dog, whatever. Place the scooped avocado half onto a baking tray, lined with foil or parchment paper, you don't need any oil.

3. Crack your egg into the avocado hole. If it overflows, just be grateful that the spillage is saving you a couple extra calories, then shove the tray into the oven. 

4. Set the timer for about 10 minutes, but keep an eye on it for sure. Everything cooks differently and honestly, I never use a timer, so I'm just guesstimating here.

5. While your avo bakes, heat up a tablespoon of coconut oil in a pan, and once it gets warm and liquifies fully, toss in a chopped scallion (I hope you googled this if you were unsure) and your aggressive handful of kale, maybe two if you're feeling frisky and want to up your greens.

6. Sauté that sh*t away on medium heat. You'll know it's done when you get the most beautiful hunter green color out of your kale. It shouldn't take more than 2.5 minutes. If it's taking forever, crank the heat up, your avocado is almost ready.

7. Plate your sautéed kale and sprinkle with 2 tbs raw hempseeds. This not only adds protein, but also gives your greens a great texture dimension should you choose to Instagram it.

8. By now the egg in your avocado should be completely poached. If it's not, keep watching it until it is and adjust heat as necessary. Once it looks delicious and like something you'd enjoy eating, take it out and carefully place it next to the kale - the skin of the avocado gets super hot!

9. Sprinkle a little pink Himalayan salt over your egg and kale if you wish. I personally like salt, so sue me.

10. Eat up and be proud! You just made a killer healthy meal for yourself that looks super impressive, has ridiculous amounts of nutrition in it, and drumroll please...tastes bomb. Enjoy!

Servings:

This clean Whole30 Meal an idiot could make in their sleep serves one hungry chomper.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

7 Reasons Why I'm Starting My New Year In Savasana.


Year after year I have rung in the New Year freezing cold, in too tight of an Herve Leger dress, teetering on brand new sequin shoes that I would never wear again for the sole reason that they were so painful they made all of my toes go numb, and lightheaded from overpriced champagne running through my veins that a 'nurturing' boyfriend of the hot second would provide for me so that I didn't have a total effing b*tch fit.


What a way to welcome in the New Year - not.

New Years Eve was always amateur hour that I got dragged out to participate in, but it subsequently ended up dragging along bad vibes into my New Year as well. No thanks.

That is why this year I am down doggin' my way into the New Year.

Here's 7 Reasons Why I'm Starting My New Year In Savasana:


1. Sweet, sweet savasana. Foremost, let's define savasana and what will fundamentally be going down. Basically, starting the New Year off in savasana means that I will be posing like a corpse, flat on my back, allowing my body a chance to regroup and reset itself, rejuvenating body, mind, and spirit. This is somewhat of an enlightened nap time, so to speak. What better way to start a new beginning than with a conscious, peaceful mind and a balanced body?


2. It's a requirement to be barefoot. That's right. I am yogi-policy required to kick off my tacky "but, they're so NYE appropriate...Daffodile Strass Louboutins for the utter bliss of a barenaked foot times two. 

Sidenote: I swear, those shoes were close to ending my last relationship a New Years Eve ago. They're so painful that I just about stomped a bloody massacre inside of the restaurant when I had to slip my shoes back on (extra credit reading: Linen Tablecloths; A Girl's Best Kept Secret.) to stand up for the champagne toast, which would have obviously all been my (now ex) boyfriend's fault. Naturally.


3. I get to wear spandex. And not the type of constricting Herve Leger spandex that has just about as much stretch as a piece of duct tape mummify-ably wrapped around your body in a contortionist form. Yoga-ing my way into New Year wearing the stretchiest of spandex actually allows me to have carbs weeks prior without punishment of a popping seam. Sugar cookie me.


4. I don't have to worry about Sloppy Sally's getting all up in my space. At my yoga studio we have respectful marks in the room for guiding mat placement and in return, receiving the most use out of the space. Upon entering the room, all you have to do is find an open slot, throw down your mat (I mean, quietly place...), and pop a squat. This is now your personal real estate for the entirety of the class. I highly recommend that nightclubs invest in this concept. Even the most secure of bottle service doesn't keep the basic betches from wandering through.


5. Actually, I don't have to worry about Sloppy Sally's period. Unless you're drunk off kombucha, which come on Lindsay Lohan, pull it together, it's like 0.5 percent alcohol tops if you're lucky, you most likely will not be coming into a hot power flow class white-girl wasted. 


6. I will be hangover free. Since I won't be in velociraptor-style heels, picking fights with my boring boyfriend, and dodging Sloppy Sally's wanting to festively cheers their vodka cran to my cocktail dress, I will have absolutely no use for hate drinking the night away. Peace out Dom-induced destructive hangover, you're so last year.


7. I will be able to start the New Year with the best of intentions, among beautiful souls, in the best of space (both physically and mindfully), with only positive treasures - not attachments a.k.a. stage 5 clingers -   that I choose to carry with me into the New Year.

Namaste.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Cheers-ing With Malahat Spirits Co.


'Tis the season to get boozy and deck the bars with rum!

There is seriously nothing I love more than a tasty handcrafted rum, and in particular, a handcrafted San Diego rum. And dear reader, when I say a handcrafted San Diego rum, what I really mean is three rugged San Diego men working on my booze with their hands. I know, super hot. 

Let me introduce to you Malahat Spirits Co., who behind it are three crafty friends that sought out extraordinary ingredients, combined with traditional techniques (they're literally chopping up ginger and crushing vanilla beans by hand) and a flare of innovative experimentation, to create handcrafted spirits, made in small batches, entirely from scratch.

"We are proud of every drop and
will only produce what we love to drink ourselves."


Not only are the guys who founded Malahat Spirits Co. ridiculously cool, but the history behind the company's name and vision is also really interesting. The Malahat was actually a five masted schooner that sailed down the West Coast during Prohibition, carrying over 60,000 cases of spirits at times and delivering more contraband liquor than any other ship in the Pacific. This boat was a bossy little betch. She would anchor off the coast of Southern California and deliver her spirits to rum runners who would take the precious cargo to awaiting patrons onshore. Badass, right? 

To make a fascinating story remarkably short, if you drank your liquor in San Diego during Prohibition, chances are your booze came from the Malahat, also known as The Queen of Rum Row.


But most importantly, check out what Malahat Spirits Co. is bringing ashore right now...



Spiced Rum

Personally, I'm known to spike the cider during the holidays (come on, someone's got to do it!) and there is no better rum to do the job than Malahat's. Slip a little bit of spiced spirit into the Dutch Oven and watch that bad betch brew, it's delicious. While you wait, enjoy a nice crystal tumbler of the Ginger Rum to cleanse your palette.

If you want to liven up the night even more, why don't you invite dear Jean Harlow to the party.

How to resurrect Jean Harlow in her best form in under 1 minute:

Ingredients:

2 ounces rum
2 ounces sweet vermouth
Lemon peel for garnish

Directions:

Pour the rum and vermouth into a cocktail shaker with ice cubes, shake that bad boy something feisty, strain into a chilled cocktail glass, and garnish with the lemon peel.

Cheers!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Coconut Chai Oats; Goldilocks Approved.

Coconut Chai Oats

After Instagramming this beast of a bowl, I got a lot of inquiries regarding the contents of it, just about as many people as were concerned about my sockage going on.

Note: The ankle poms.

The best way that I can describe this bowl, is to tell you to close your eyes and imagine what it would taste like if a White Girl's chai tea latte and Goldilocks's bowl of "just right" porridge had a baby with killer superfood chromosomes and flavor to rock off even the most basic of betches' taste buds.

Oh yeah, and the calorie count doesn't suck either.

Here's what to throw into the pot...

Coconut Chai Oats

Ingredients:

1/4 cup uncooked steel cut oats
1 cup water
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1/8 cup dried unsweetened coconut shavings (plus a sprinkle on top if you're instagramming)
1/4 - 1/2 teaspoon of each: cardamon, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground ginger
1/2 tablespoon pure maple syrup

Directions:

1. Dump the water and the oats into a pot and cook until about halfway done.

2. Add in the chia seeds, coconut shavings, and spices. Stir it up.

3. Once everything is coming together nicely and is beginning to look just about edible, add in the 1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk.

4. Keep stirring the oats on the stove until all the extra liquid is absorbed and your oats look done.

Sidenote: If weird sh*t is floating and not sticking together, your oats are not done. Be patient, young grasshopper, sometimes steel cut oats are stubborn little beasts and need their time.

5. Scoop the contents of the pot into a bowl, top with a sprinkle of extra unsweetened coconut shavings and a drizzle of pure male syrup.

Servings:

Just enough for Goldilocks.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

How To Pull Off Sequined Pants.


Sequins are rad; if you're up for a challenge, that is.

For some reason (actually, lots of reasons), sequins pose as a serious fashion risk with a 99% chance of you looking like a hot mess. And not in a sexy way.

I don't think I need to go into detail regarding the catastrophic 99 percentile. We all know a cringe-worthy look when we see one. Instead, allow me to be straight up.

Here's how to pull off sequined pants without looking like you raped a disco ball:



1. If you're going to be bold, and my dear, sequins are bold, you might as well go balls to the effing walls and say goodbye to traditional. Trousers are swell, but if you really want to get jaws dropping you should make them drop down low for a drop crotch. The pair above by Givenchy not only has a killer Harlem attitude, but it also uses a multitude of sequin hues allowing you to A. wear this (expensive) pair of sequined pants with multiple pieces you should already have in your closet - black tank, white distressed tee, tuxedo blazer, etc. - and B. not be a basic betch.


2. If you're gonna be a basic betch, your best option is to go with basic black. I actually really love this pair of sequined black trousers by Donna Karan, even if morally I'm obliged to disclose that I think that Donna is a total Debbie Downer, but whatev. This pair is ridiculously flattering and is so basic that if you show up to a party and sequins are just not vibing, these pants basically scream, "Sequins? Psh, as if I'd be daring enough to wear sequins. Ease up on the champs, Marge."


3. Sidenote: If you're going with basic black, try a really cool high-waisted version like the above by Jason Wu. Not everything looks better high-waisted, but sequins typically do. 


4. If you show up to a party where sequins are just not vibing, the best possible thing to do is rebel, naturally. This manrepelling pair of Jean Paul Gaultier does just that. This pair is so effing ugly, but it's wearability is out the roof. I totally see this with a high-neck button up, a weird graphic cut-out tank, or a sports jersey jacket that isn't actually sports-affiliated. I wouldn't spend 4k on a pair, but if I happened to come across one at a consignment store that hadn't been hemmed (because that sh*t would be up to my knees and no one likes capris), I would snag it for sure.


5. If you're a bargain hunter and don't want to spend a handbag's worth of savings on a pair of outdated stylized pants that you'll only wear once and have a 99% chance of being a disaster, I highly recommend going with a pair by Alice + Olivia. They're trendy, the cut is always really chic, there are tons of cute sequined options that really aren't that tacky, and they always go on sale at Neimans or Saks for at least half the price. Score.

P.S. Don't wear a pair of slightly pointy-toed heels with sequined pants like the model is doing above. This looks stupid. Wear an ultra high basic pump in black or go with something strappy. Absolutely no boots, even if they're booties, and don't you dare wear flats. If you don't want a heel, break out a pair of cool kicks (i.e. something like these YSL sneakers). 

Because, who cares? You're wearing sequined pants for God's sake.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

My Favorite Things; Holiday Candles.

You know that song "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music?

If I were to make up my own version of the song, I'd definitely swap out "whiskers on kittens" for "man buns on hipsters" and change up "silver white winters that melt into springs" with something more like "sexy vacations that base a good tan" - but that's just me.

Crisp apple streudels and schnitzel with noodles can stay on the menu for sure, but I'd throw in some homemade baklava too, for the sake of us all carb-loading.

Oh and you know what else would definitely make the chorus? Holiday candles.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad (and my resting bitch face is starting to cramp), I simply start burning my favorite scents, and then I start to feel pretty badass.

Holiday candles literally make this time of the year for me, I simply can't get enough. This festive madness overloading the senses starts around October when pumpkin spice and everything nice begins to not-so-gracefully stock a white girl's shelves. Le basic. But, oh, it smells so good. I love the festive change up from my trusty Tom's burning year-round (Tom Dixon Element CandleTom Ford Tuscan Leather Candle) and Crisp Champagne bubbling on the hour by Voluspa.

What I personally like? The ooey and gooey-er the better. Caramel, brown sugar, bourbon flavored anything. Pumpkin is cool, and so is anything that gives reference to holing up in a cabin in the woods with a TD&H (tall, dark, & handsome) man decked out in red flannel with the smell of pinecones and freshly roasted s'mores wafting through the air. Oh, and don't forget a hint of hot cocoa flirting with peppermint bark. I'm all about that peppermint, and sleigh bell sugar cookie, and gingerbread whipped cream Irish coffee with a candy cane twist. The names start to get disgustingly glutenous as the season wears on.

Anyway, so happy we're talking holiday candles and not holiday calories.

Unless you plan on ingesting these, which I highly do not recommend that you do, you can indulge calorie free all season long.

Here are a few of my favorite indulgences...









Oh, and this one isn't "holiday flavored," but I think it's really cool and since I won't be blogging about candles for say, at least a good month or few, let me share before I forget to care:


Basically, you burn that betch down and it reveals your fortune! 

Only at Urban Outfitters, naturally.

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