Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Boyfriend's Choice; Dessert at George's.


Generally speaking, I'm only interested in dessert if there's chocolate, frosting, or on special occasions, sprinkles involved. Yes, I realize that at times I have the dessert palette of a five year old...and I'm totally ok with that.

There will come a time however, where you go to George's for dinner and Bee Stings (Ketel One Vodka, kumquats, ginger, honey, lemongrass) and just because it's Monday, you decide to let your inhibitions go and agree to your boyfriend's choice of dessert to share. Just because it's Monday.


Now, at California Modern, you can't go wrong with a single thing on the menu. Everything is prepared to seasonal perfection and so aesthetically pleasing to the eye that you end up eating your entire plate with one look before a bite even hits your taste buds.

Pure poetry, I know, but back to my story set up...

We've sunken into the incredibly luscious purple couch that we were seated at, sipping on our drinks and looking over the dessert menu.


Sidenote: The purple couch though. I seriously wanted to bring a U-Haul to Prospect so I could take it to go because it's so comfortable and modernly chic, that I would be totally happy sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life. Plus, we all know how difficult it is to find a beautifully tasteful purple accent piece these days now that Versace isn't making furniture like he used to.

Everything on the dessert menu looks delectably delicious, and calls for quite a decision to be made.


French Macarons with a cucumber, mint, limoncello, ricotta cream, Meyer lemon curd, and Chino Farms strawberry sorbet. Warm Chocolate Tart with coffee roasted beets, crème fraiche, beet greens, cocoa nib, and dulce de leche ice cream. Sesame Doughnuts & Dips with ginger crème anglaise, five spice chocolate sauce, red pean paste, and sweet syrup.

Limoncello, dulce de leche, five spice chocolate sauce...how is it even allowed that these scrumptious ingredients are printed on the same menu?

Just because it was Monday, I let the delicious man next to me decide on dessert. Eyeroll, it was either the second dirty martini that did me in or I had it bad.


You'll never believe what happened next.

He chose the Carrot Cake.

Dear God, I was practicing my emotions on a man who liked Carrot Cake.

No bourbon caramel sauce, no raspberry whipped cream, certainly no sticky toffee pudding cake.

I decided to go with the flow and let the professionals handle this. My dessert's fate laid in the hands of Executive Chef Trey Foshee who says, "To make really good food, you have to be completely aware of what's going on with the ingredients...it's about combining them in ways that bring out the individual flavors yet allow them to bounce off each other."

Cheers to wishful thinking, for I was hoping Chef Trey would make the carrot bounce off the cake altogether.

After much anticipation, out came the Carrot Cake accompanied with salted walnuts, caramel tuile, cream cheese ice cream, and pineapple kombucha sorbet.

Why, it didn't even look like cake at all! Round balls of cake separated with razor thin wafers, edgy and modern. I liked. After the first bite, I loved. So much, in fact, that when I was saved the last bite, I gladly accepted. Did I mention pineapple kombucha sorbet? This was the coolest carrot cake ever.

Moral of the story, just because it's Monday, let him choose the dessert.

But, only at George's.

Xo.

Monday, July 7, 2014

How to Fix a Minor Accidental Black Eye, Naturally.


The remaining part of the weekend after celebrating the 4th was spent being a total veg; tanning (subjectively), yoga-ing, vino-ing, cinépolis-ing, and other various -ings you can probably paint a pretty picture with. 

On Saturday night however, I was so apparently vegged out that I ended up giving myself a minor accidental black eye. Oops. Story time.

My girlfriend and I had gone to one of our favorite sushi places in Del Mar, Eda-Mami, and after ordering our usual sashimi plates (Eda-Mami seriously has the best sashimi assortments, FIY, for all of you carb-free-except-when-nobody-is-looking seekers) and beverages (wine glasses as big as fish bowls), we headed over to Cinépolis to watch Tammy - really dumb movie btw, just because Melissa McCarthy is in it does not mean that it's going to be hilarious, note to self.

What was hilarious though, after the fact of course, was giving myself a minor accidental black eye.

My girlfriend and I got all cozy cuddling in our seats, drinks were on their way, and during the previews I decided that I can't wait any longer to pull out the 87% dark chocolate cacao bar(s) I had stashed in my Muse. I reach over to grab my bag, which, if you're not familiar of the size of the YSL Large Muse Handbag, is a whopping 16"x12" beast of a bag, weighted down by buffalo leather and gold hardware (not to mention my personal baggage, I mean, belongings). 

Carrying around this aggressive beast is a better arm work out than my boxing sessions.

Anyway, I reach over, and end up gonking myself in the eye with the bottom corner of my bag...and the lovely gold studs protecting the leather from predators. I blame this entire situation on 99% of a lighting issue, and 1% on the bottle of wine we drank at dinner. 

I toughed it out like a champ and only blurted out a couple profanities.

It wasn't until I came home that I faced, quite literally, a giant shiner that shined like my lip gloss. Winner.


Moral of the story, should you find yourself in a minor accidental situation like this, here's how to fix the problem before anyone else has to know how much of a lush you are or begin to compare you to Rihanna circa Chris Brown 2008.

Check it...

1. Ice baby, ice.

2. Keep elevated.


Duh. What else?

Load up on Vitamin C - which is the number one vitamin capable of producing the collagen that was just broken down in your blood vessels. Super important! Oranges, cauliflower, kale, lemon, chili peppers, kiwis, and guava are all high sources of Vitamin C.

Bromelain it out - this enzyme is key to healing your black eye and keeps the swelling down. Many plastic surgeons recommend taking a bromelain supplement after surgery (in particular, face lift) as a quick anti-inflammatory. You can find bromelain in papaya and pineapple. As delicious as they are to eat, you may also go the calorie free route and apply their pulp directly to the swelled area. Gnarly.

Get earthy with Arnica - an amazing herb that can be used to cure bruises, sprains, strains, inflammation and muscle soreness. Not only is Arnica a great anti-inflammatory herb, but it also works by stimulating white blood cells that fight infections and help to eliminate foreign bodies from the system (including congested blood and fluid causing inflammation). You can make your own Arnica oil by adding one part dried herb with five parts any plant oil, or just book it to any natural grocery store.

Coven that Witch Hazel - which not only reduces inflammation and reduces pain by tightening the veins, but also refreshes your tired eyes. Mix 10 drops of Witch Hazel with 100 ml of water, soak a cotton ball or pad in the solution, and apply this solution to your black eye. Leave on for about 5 minutes and then wash off with water. Do this a couple times a day.

Get cozy with Comfrey Root - an herb extract containing small organic molecule allantoin, which is used by herbalists to stimulate cell growth and repair skin while reducing inflammation. Best mixed with water and turned into a paste, Comfrey Root can be applied directly to the skin in need of repair and washed off after about 5 minutes. Comfrey Root can also be beneficial soaked up with a cloth and used as a compress, but do not use this root on your skin more than once a day, overexposure can be toxic for your skin.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S’mores Bars; Vegan Edition.


So I am having one of those days where I want to be really bad. I don't know if it's just because I'm on Day 3 of a juice cleanse or if I'm just being Miley, I mean, me, but I want really really bad things

I literally just asked my sister if she would go get our very favorite chocolate chip pear muffin from Thyme in the Ranch for me, as I sipped my detoxifying beet juice out of a straw. 

Le total cleansing hypocrite. 

Anyway, to stop myself from raiding our secretary's desk drawer for the most amazing Celtic Sea Salt Caramels that I know she keeps hidden in there, I indulged calorie-free on Pinterest and came across the baddest of bad.


I could seriously make this post so vulgar right now talking about all of the bad things I want to do to those bars, but I will spare you, my dear readers, and poor kevin & amanda because this is their pride and joy. Now, I'm not confirmed on that and just making stuff up, but if these Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S'mores Bars were a child, it would definitely be my favorite child, even over my own future nasty vegan children.

Now, speaking of nasty vegans, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these bars, except for the fact that I can't eat any of these ingredients except the Ritz crackers (they're deceivingly already vegan):

Ingredients for kevin & amanda's

I know, I'm no fun.

But guess what, I've found incredible vegan substitutes that, with all of the ridiculous sugar and carbs going on here, you won't even be able to taste the difference! My vegan version may even be more fattening!

Check it...

1 box yellow cake mix = try Duncan Hines's Classic Yellow Cake Mix, it was vegan before the word vegan was even a thing, it's not even labeled "vegan" - such a hipster. You can get it at any grocery store.

2 sleeves Ritz crackers = try, drum roll please...Ritz Crackers! Yeah, they're totally vegan. Don't be fooled by their flaky, buttery taste. It's all in the processing...yikes, moving on.

1 egg = try Ener-G Egg Replacer or you could get all sorts of creative with these following conversions all equaling one egg: 2 tbsp potato starch (1 egg), 1 mashed banana (1 egg), 1/4 cup applesauce (1 egg), 1 tbsp ground flax seed simmered in 3 tbsp water (1 egg).

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened = try Earth Balance, available anywhere Tahini is sold.

1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow creme = try Suzanne's Ricemellow Marshmallow Creme. It has soy protein in it, but I never said that these bars were healthy...they only save the lives of animals with a few simple substitutions. 

1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk = try Coco Lopez Cream Coconut, it's way easier than making a version from scratch or winging it with an unsweetened can of coconut milk and adding in sugar.

2 (8 oz) bags mini Reese's peanut butter cups = try Justin's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups, they're seriously like crack and I'm obsessed. You can find them almost anywhere. If you don't like the dark chocolate version, you could order Cleo's Peanut Butter Cups ahead of time (the only vegan milk chocolate version on the market) or put on your DIY apron and get busy making your own - I like this raw recipe from The Blonde Vegan.


Now that you have all of your vegan ingredients in check, follow kevin & amanda's amazing recipe for Gooey Ritz Peanut Butter Cup S'mores Bars. I promise, it's super easy and will turn out deliciously bad!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Northern Blues; Adolfo Dominguez.


Adolfo Dominguez makes me want to take off all of my clothes.

What I'm exactly talking about is the Northern Blues (pre fall 2014) collection, "shapes and textures of rustic sophistication" constructed for the adventurous man. 

Yes. Yes, please.

I get it, it's sort of "thrift shop" grandpa style, but this grandpa is a G.I.L.F. - have me now.

This collection is rugged and mountain-esque, it's got urban hipster sewn in the cardigans mixed with the well-constructed leather soles of a Wallstreeter. With a sort of Ralph Lauren Black Label put togetherness, this collection is like the best chocolate chip cookie you've ever tasted.

Northern Blues is bearded and it's sincere.

My mind is ultimately blown by this collection and I want it on every man walking on this earth.

Check it...










Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Your Just Dad Swiped Right; How To Get More Instagram Followers By Using Tinder.


All of you Tinderellas attempting to match happily ever after with your handsome prince charming...so archaically 21st century of you and not to mention, delusional. Swiping right in attempt to set up a date for a free liquid meal (plus an olive or two) at a new posh lounge...now, that's just embarrassing.

Call me cynical, but your dad just swiped right.


Lets face it, we're all just on Tinder to get more Instagram followers.

Whether you're "a model" - and I use that term very subjectively - and are trying to increase your exposure, or you just want more followers to feel pseudo famous, Tinder is your number one app to increase your followers count.


Here's how to do it...

1. Swipe right on everybody. Yes, this includes the creepy man with rapist glasses on. And scarily, even more deceiving, the nerdy guy petting the sedated tiger. Guess what? He doesn't work for National Geographic, in fact, he's about as unethically minded about animals as a communist eating a dog sandwich. Makes for awesome followers, don't you think?

2. When I say swipe right on everybody, I mean the same sex too. You don't want just a bunch of guys following you on Instagram, your boyfriend would get totally jealous (he knows you're on Tinder right?). You want lots of lesbians following you too! They leave great comments. So supportive. My lesbian friends happen to be the best followers, and they're not even into me.

3. Don't forget to put your Instagram name in your profile before you start swiping. I say this now because I want to laugh to myself knowing that you probably are taking a break from swiping to edit your profile. Finish reading my damn post before you start swiping. Oh, but while you're editing...

4. Take out the part about you "not looking for hook ups." What guy isn't looking to hook up? Possibly the nerdy guy petting the sedated tiger, and he already liked you back. You just lost yourself at least 75% of potential Instagram followers who swiped left thinking you were a frigid betch.

5. Communication time? Don't respond. You've already promoted yourself. Well done.

*No, I am not currently on Tinder. I prefer to buy my followers...just kidding.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Fourth of July Manicures; Don't You Dare Let Them Creep Up On My Insta Feed.


Riddle me this, betches:

What is red, white, and blue and more tacky than chipped Chanel matte nails? 
Fourth of July manicures.

I absolutely detest manis inspired by the 4th. 

If we really wanted to showcase America's independence, we would become independent members of society and get a manicure that matches our mood, or our skimpy bikini (god forbid, it isn't of an effing flag print), or perhaps something paying tribute to the Indian's beautiful turquoise color scheme...historically relevant or not.

We are completely conforming as citizens of the United States of America by asking Mei Ling to paint every other nail white and blue stripes with a top coat of silver sparkle while she asks us why we have no boyfriend.

Why we have no boyfriend? Probably because the American flag threw up all over our nail beds. 

Barf.

Here are fabulous manicure ideas, should you be so inclined as to absolutely have to get creative with your hands at the nail salon before this weekend, that support your rights as an independent society member and don't look lameo. 

Check it...


1. Orangey-red is the new Ox Blood. Not permanently, just for the summer months. And this color totally rocks. Best pulled off with short nails, you don't want to look like an Italian prostitute.


2. Obsessed with this pale pink nude with black tips. Don't you dare ruin this for me by shaping your nails into scary claws. I will make an effort to break your nail, should I see your mani within 10 feet of me or creeping up on my Instagram feed.


3. I actually really love this depressing shade of blue. It looks good on just about every skin tone and is not to mention, look great with denim should your slutty side want to come out and rock the overdone daisy dukes.


4. Basic black with one finger glitter accented. I actually even like this look matte instead of shine coated, but good luck finding an amazing matte black at a salon.


5. For those of you who like it so much you just had to put a rhinestone (or few) on it, for the love of Vogue, limit it to one color scheme. 


6. Creative oriental designs are a "yes." But, only because Derek Lam did it first, circa Fall 2012.


7. Checkered nails are cool too, even if I just threw them in here to break up all of the black.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Plastic Bottles Not Allowed.

Plastic bottle Perrier water reminds me of the one time that I got food poisoning from the lime off a tequila shot and my boyfriend at the time forced me to drink an entire liter of stale Perrier water in the back of his Benz on the way home so that I wouldn't dehydrate and "die." Not a fond memory.

Moral of the story? Bad things come in plastic bottles.

I'm sure this isn't news to you, as your hot yoga studio has probably ear f*cked you right into corpse pose on this topic. But, let me reiterate this for just a second so that I get the point of this post across to those who may not have an unlimited membership at CorePower, and get my post's word count up.


1. Plastic bottles are not sustainable, period. They have a carbon footprint as heavy as Shrek and are just about as biodegradable as pointy-toed patent leather Valentino Rockstud flats.


2. Plastic bottles are super damaging to your body too. Most carry more toxins than you released from your last 3-day BluePrint Cleanse, even "BPA-free plastic" was used. If plastic water bottles sit around for a long time or are exposed to heat, they start to leak highly toxic chemicals - some of which may be total endocrine disruptors. Said simply, your body could turn into a crazier science experiment than Joan Rivers's face.

And yeah yeah, you never leave your plastic water bottle in the cup holder of your car. Hate to break it to you, but do you realize how long the plastic water bottles sat in the sun as importing cargo before they hit the shelves? Longer than your last layover in London, I can guarantee.

How to go plastic bottle free:


1. Take the vow to VOSS.


2. Lululemon-ize by refilling and reusing.


*If you really miss your Fiji water that much, take a vacation there.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Lust Over This; Hump Day Edition.

"Don't" - Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran's vocals are l'absolu sex.

With that being said, here are a few other things I'm lusting over this hump day...






Cheers with this...


For 5 Lemon Lavender Cocktails:

Ingredients: 60 ml gin, 40 ml lemon juice, 40 ml lavender syrup (recipe as follows), splash of club soda, ice, one lemon slice, for garnish.

Directions: Pour gin, lemon and lavender syrup into a glass and stir. Top with club soda, add ice and garnish with a lemon slice.

For the Lavender Syrup:

Ingredients: 200 ml water, 200 ml sugar, 1 tablespoon dried lavender buds.

Directions: Combine sugar and water in a small saucepan. Add lavender and cook on low heat until sugar is dissolved. Bring to a boil and cook for 2-3 minutes, just until it starts to thicken a bit. Then set to the side to cool. Strain out the lavender and refrigerate.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Complacent Color, Perhaps Not.


Complacent color, hair wise, is something that I am not familiar with. As soon as I get dark enough, I want to be blonde, as soon as I reach color appropriate for Baywatch casting, I immediately want to dye my fresh roots to match my black caviar Chanel. 

I feel like I am in a constant battle of playing hard to get with my hair.

Yesterday morning was Exhibit A:

My sister and I arrived at our barre class a couple minutes early (she is so punctual that it actually sometimes gives me lateness withdrawal shakes), and I was browsing through Pinterest on my phone. 

I asked her, "Should I dye my hair dark or am I just bored?" She said to go for it, and yes, that I was just bored. We took our barre class, and after staring at my roots in the mirror for an hour, I called my hair salon as I was walking out the door of the studio. "I want to be brunette again. Today. What time can you get me in?" And the rest of the story is as old as last month's issue of Vogue.

I follow only two rules in regards to hair:

1. Never listen to anyone but yourself. That b*tch loves your trashy, grown out ombré. Yeah, I bet she does. Up hers.


2. Never chop off all of your hair post-break up. If the b*stard dumps you, you get a blow out, not an emotionally scarring hairdo. Giving yourself an angry and depressed lesbian cut, at a time when it is not chic and liberating to do so, shoots the poor Hermès horse in the foot - you'd do less damage (and get more satisfaction out of) throwing your 8-piece Hermès dining set on the marble floor.


Moral of the post? Don't be a complacent basic betch and do what you want. After three issues of Harper's Bazaar, two dye jobs, and one bottle of prosecco, I'm currently espresso brown...like the Americano I'm drinking this morning, except less watered down.

Stay inspired...






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